ENID, Oklahoma — This guy found himself at the far end of the slippery slope.
Police in Oklahoma pulled over a motorist for speeding only to discover he was clad only in a thong bikini bottom and was dripping with Vaseline with a pornograhic magazine lying on the passenger seat.
Cops say they decided to stop John Wayne Kellerman, 54, on Oct. 15 when they clocked him driving 57 miles-per-hour in a 45 mile zone.
After Kellerman pulled into a driveway, the officer discovered him mostly nude except for a “bikini thong covering his genitals,” and an open jar of Vaseline next to him. The officer noted that Kellerman’s hands, upper and lower body were oiled up with Vaseline and there was a sin mag on the seat next to him, according to the Enid News & Eagle.
The officer’s reported stated that Kellerman nervously handed over his Vaseline-smeared ID and admitted he’d been masturbating while driving. The officer then declined Kellerman’s offer of a “semen rag,” to wipe the lube off the ID card.
A license check revealed Kellerman’s license had been revoked back in 1985. Kellerman said he thought his license was still valid, but admitted he’d been in jail for much of the past 27 years for car theft.
He was charged with speeding and driving with a revoked license. He was released on $1,000 bond.
When officers prepared to impound the car, they noted that the driver’s seat was “extremely greasy.”